Galloping Cats

Over! January 22, 2010

Filed under: Gatito — gallopingcats @ 3:35 pm

Surgery was a breeze. We did the tour last week, and I think it really helped. Gatito was a little quiet then, but when we saw the same nurse again today, he opened up an asked tons of questions, which is exactly what we wanted.

The difference between this experience at a top children’s hospital with pediatric anesthesiologists and the one with his teeth at a more local hospital with a children’s wing and regular anesthesiologists with pediatric experience was night and day. Should your child ever require surgery, no matter how minor, I cannot stress the importance of a children’s hospital enough.

The entire staff was so sensitive to the way a child deals with anesthesia. He was so calm that he did not even require the happy drug they would have given him prior to the mask.  He did not fight the mask and went down easily. We were allowed to be in recovery before he woke up, so that we were there the moment he opened his eyes and he did not have time to become hysterical. When he started to be bothered by the IV line, they took it out. None of this happened the last time.

Before the anesthesia, the nurse told him gently, “Close your eyes. Now open your eyes. That’s how long it’s going to seem to you.” So Gatito asked, “But how long is it going to seem to you?”

When we got home, he and A were playing a game of Hospital. Gatito was the doctor and A the patient. A, exhausted from our early morning wake-up, was eagerly awaiting the play anesthesia, when Gatito kicked A out of bed and said, “Excuse me, but I just had surgery today, and even though I’m the doctor, I need to lie down.”

The kid just floors me. I love him so damn much. Watching him and waiting for him to wake up, I stared at his long neck and noticed that his nose is turning from its baby non-nose into a real person’s nose, and I was struck by the realization that he’s in the final transition from baby to kid. It’s bittersweet, of course. I’m so proud of him and so excited for what lies ahead, but I would still like to freeze time. I’m aware it’s a feeling that is familiar to many.

Most importantly, the surgery was a success and it’s over and I’m so ridiculously grateful that we weren’t there for anything more serious.

 

Tweet January 13, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — gallopingcats @ 7:38 pm

For years, people have told me I am very funny on IM– a claim I rarely hear in person. Recently, a colleague told me I’m hilarious on Facebook. So I figured I’d see if I’m just as hysterical on Twitter.

If you’re on and I’m not already following you, let me know!

 

Ergh January 11, 2010

Filed under: Gatito — gallopingcats @ 7:42 pm

Surgery is next Friday. The hospital has an option to take a tour a few days before, and, since we were unable to decide whether this was a good idea for our particular kid, we decided to shift the burden to him, and see what he thought. Which meant we had to tell him tonight.

The kid, he asks a lot of questions, from why his body is the way it is to why it has to be fixed to why he’ll be asleep to how he’ll fall asleep. Finally, he wanted to know, “Why did you tell me this? It would be better if you hadn’t told me.”

I guess nothing he says should surprise me anymore, but I have to admit I was surprised to hear him say that, or at least to express it like that. (Side note: Tonight he told me, a little tearfully, “I wish you didn’t let me choose the Lego fire engine because the ladder is very frustrating.”)

Anyway, he does wish to have the tour. I’m hoping they’ll let us do it on MLK day, since we’ll both be off from work. I am looking forward to this being over.

 

Busy doesn’t begin to describe it January 7, 2010

Filed under: Galloping Cats, Working Mom — gallopingcats @ 8:07 pm

It’s hard to move on after a post like the last one, isn’t it? I really haven’t stopped thinking about my colleague, and it’s hard to go back to writing about the day-to-day challenges of life and joys after writing about a loss of that enormity. But, I’m taking a deep breath and here I go.

I’m back at work full-time now, and it’s going okay. My workload has literally quadrupled: Last year I covered one country and this year it is four. That decision was made while I was out on leave. Ahem. I happen to be super efficient when I need to be, but lordy, it is just go go go in the office these days.

Meanwhile, by the time I get out of the house in the morning, I feel like I’ve already run a marathon. And at night, it’s a flurry, because A and I are both hungry when we get home and there are two kids now and only about an hour before Ella’s bath and bed routine begins and just a bit more till Gatito’s. For Gatito, we’ve got to fit in at least five minutes of viola practice and definitely some playtime. And after that, there’s all the usual stuff: lunches for myself and for Gatito on the days he stays at school all day. General cleaning and I don’t know what-all.

Then there’s the whole moving thing, and I can’t claim that’s taking up any time because we haven’t done much about it, but it sure is taking up a lot of mental energy.

And then! Then I had to go and get a really good idea for a product. And I had it made custom for myself and then my sister suggested I sell it and next thing I know, I’m a full-time working mom with an infant and a preschooler who is trying to start a business on the side. I must be out of my mind.

And lest you think I’m a workaholic, let me assure you: I am one of the laziest people on the planet. I’d like nothing more than to sit around and sleep and read and watch TV. Maybe even blog.

But the fantasy is, if this works, I could potentially quit my job (not for at least two years, best case scenario), run my own small business in 20 hours/week, and be around for the kids after school as they grow up.

My new year’s resolution is to do my phototherapy and moisturize regularly to keep my psoriasis at bay and my skin comfortable, but sometimes it is just too damned much to stand naked in my (cold) closet in front of the light panel for thirteen minutes and I just collapse into bed.

So that’s what I’ve been up to, and what I will be up to, and I hope you will pardon my potentially long absences and maybe even support my business if/when it launches in the Fall.

But before I go, I wanted to ask you: Gatito thinks Ella is, basically, grody to the max. He likes her and he’ll talk to her and make funny faces and I don’t even see nearly as much jealousy as I would expect, but he seems to feel about touching her the way my dad feels about touching the cat, which is about how I would feel about touching a rat. Have you heard of such a thing before? Would you do anything other than ignore it and wait for it to pass? What will happen if he’s not over it by the time she gets mobile and can touch him?

 

Loss December 30, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — gallopingcats @ 9:27 pm

A work friend of mine just lost her baby at 37 weeks. I am beyond devastated for her. I haven’t stopped thinking about her since I found out yesterday. All night I dreamed about her and all my other friends who have lost babies– a surprising number even in real life, outside of infertility and loss blog world.
She is the sweetest, nicest woman, and now her life will never ever be the same again. Ella and Gatito have been getting extra hugs and kisses.

 

4 months December 29, 2009

Filed under: Ella — gallopingcats @ 9:29 pm

Ella turned four months on Christmas Eve. At her checkup the week before, she measured 26″ (>97th percentile) and 15 lbs, 15 ozs (~90th percentile). We don’t make small babies/kids in the Galloping Cats household, that’s for sure.

She is the drooliest thing you’ve ever seen. Her grandfather said something about general dampness, so that is what I call her now: General Dampness. Gatito says she is only a one-star general, though. She pukes, too, a few times/day. Nothing concerning, but it is gross and smelly and between that and the drool, we go through roughly ten bibs/day.

She is absolutely dying to sit up. If I lie her on her back or in the bouncy seat, she’s basically doing crunches– head and shoulders off the ground, legs in the air– to try to sit. So she spends a fair amount of time in the Bumbo instead. She is so cheerful, I can hardly believe it. Smiles for strangers all the time, which is so unfamiliar to us after Gatito. I was walking her to sleep the other day when I stopped in front of a mirror to see if her eyes had closed. She was half asleep by then, but she smiled at the reflection. And at the grocery store, wearing her in the Ergo, half asleep, she still spared a smile for the employee who was trying to help me find something.

Yesterday, I made her laugh hysterically by standing in front of the mirror, puffing out my cheeks, and then squeezing the air out with a funny noise. She joined in with similar noises and great belly laughs. If there is any better sound than a baby laughing, I’ve never heard it.

We’ve been having this crazy series of things lately, culminating with A spending the night of Christmas Eve in agony with an ear infection, then half of Christmas Day in the hospital getting it treated, since there was no place else to go. But I don’t kid myself: Overall, our problems are so minor. We live a charmed life and I am grateful for it every day.

 

I’m okay December 16, 2009

Filed under: Me Me Me — gallopingcats @ 2:01 am

The weekend sucked. I felt pretty awful. I have an insane black eye. Purple, really, though turning green now. But I’m feeling better. Both my nose and my finger were simple, straight brakes with nothing knocked out of alignment and should heal within the next couple of weeks.

The number of people (at work, even) that suggested I sue was quite astonishing. I’m not interested in suing my employer. I just want them to install some lights, as it’s really dark. I wasn’t happy when the guy from facilities told me he was going to have to check the video (from the security cameras) to see what had happened (although I’d filed a report with security at the time). I told him, “Well I hope you have night vision on your camera!” They have now decided to take appropriate action re: the lights and there is LOTS of salt out there now.

A is getting his new car on Friday, a Jetta wagon, and is excited about it. I am, too, except for the part about the new expense. They’re giving us a good deal on the trade-in. Last night was craziness as A searched for the title. When he found it, he declared it the first good thing that’s happened all week!

BTW, just a random FYI: It is possible, nearly 4 months after giving birth and not nursing one single time, to still have a few drops of milk in one’s breasts. Insane.

 

What cosmic power did I piss off today? December 11, 2009

Filed under: Me Me Me — gallopingcats @ 9:00 pm

I began the day, simply enough, by getting puked on (pants and shirt) as I was about to walk out the door for work, leaving me to scramble for another option that fit well enough.

Later, I called to schedule Gatito’s surgery, and in the process learned that Gatito’s file had been marked to the effect of, “Anxious mother. Suggested she bring her husband next time.” Yeah. How fucking obnoxious can you get? Who *wouldn’t* be anxious upon learning their child required surgery?

Then the call came from the dealer where A’s car was in for service. Repairs would cost $4,000+, and the car already has 116,000 miles on it. So, car shopping it is this weekend. Because I had all this extra money sitting around and was just wondering what to spend it on.

Then, I was leaving work, and the front of the building is extremely poorly lit. I always worry I’m going to get hit by a car when I go out that way, since there’s no sidewalk there, either. Well, turns out that in addition to no lights, they didn’t bother to salt or sand either. So I fell and I broke the fall with… my nose. Yeah. Fractured my nose and the tip of my index finger, neither of which, apparently can anyone do anything. (And how fake does the story that I broke my NOSE falling on ice sound? I would totally suspect domestic abuse if I saw someone that looked like me.)

And then the kicker? Just to rub a little salt in the wound? When we got home, I got my period, which I wasn’t expecting, and it was messy.

I’m going to bed.

 

The traditional kindergarten panic December 10, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — gallopingcats @ 7:58 pm

In my town, there is one topic that comes up in almost any conversation between parents, and it is the state of the school system. For parents of kids approaching kindergarten, it’s pretty much the only topic of discussion.

My town, a city, really, is particularly diverse: racially, ethnically, socioeconomically. When I went to the public schools here, there were something like 80 languages spoken in the high school. Cool, right?

But it’s an urban school district, and brings with it all the problems that that entails. Even in my day, there were guns and gangs in the high school. About a quarter of the class didn’t graduate and only about half went to college. Yet, in addition to programs targeting those who needed extra help, enrichment programs for those who needed, well, enrichment, abounded, from elementary school on. It was possible to get a great, challenging education, and the top students went to great schools in the Ivy League and equivalent.

Since I graduated, eons ago, there’s been more “white flight.” For instance, the Jewish day school has doubled in size, leaving almost no Jews in the public schools. And the city seems to systematically do away with program after program that was targeted at advanced students. Enrichment programs in the elementary schools? Gone. Grouping and honors classes in middle school? Gone. Foreign languages? Except in one impossible-to-get-into magnet elementary, not until 7th grade. To complain about the lack of enrichment opportunities is to be called racist.

I went and toured our district elementary school and was encouraged in some ways and discouraged in more. I liked the Vice Principal, who showed me around and gave me an hour and a half of her time, and I felt good about what she is trying to do for the school. But I have been having great difficulty getting beyond the fact that, despite attending these schools herself and then spending her life as a teacher and administrator here, she sent her own kids to private school. There was some b.s. about her daughter having been ill as an infant and that she felt overprotective of her, so sent her to private, then felt she couldn’t send one to private and the others to public, blah blah blah. She is not the only teacher/administrator of the public schools that I know who has sent their own children or grandchildren elsewhere, so what does that say?

I don’t care much about the kids ending up at elite colleges, but I do care about them being challenged appropriately, learning how to learn, and enjoying the process of learning. I care about six hours of every day not being wasted. I can help them by sharing my culture and my values, by talking to them about books and world events, by paying for viola and karate and the like. But I can’t offer them challenges math and science and history in the two or three hours betweenwhen we get home and when they go to bed every night.

I love my city. I love the diversity and the amenities. I love being conveniently located near several employment centers and strategically located in an area with limited traffic, as well as and in onerous but not deadly commuting distance of NYC, should either of us ever need to work there again. I love my house, although a second bathroom would be nice.

The only option that is financially feasible for us would essentially double our commute, taking away about 45 minutes/day from time with the kids. Summer Fridays would be impossible. (At least for me. A gets short summer Fridays, damn him.) We’d give up any prospect of diversity. But we’d be getting a town that prides itself on its education and is spilling over with extra help for kids at both ends of the spectrum. To me, particularly after having seen how bad a bad school experience can be, even for one year, that opportunity is getting harder and harder to resist.

 

Work December 5, 2009

Filed under: Working Mom — gallopingcats @ 8:59 pm

Shortly before going out on maternity leave, I had my mid-year review. At that time, I told my manager that I had decided that I did not want to be a manager myself, but rather continue to be an individual contributor and take on projects of increasing complexity. There were several reasons for this.

One is that, having been a manager in the past, I’ve learned I don’t like it. I loved working with talented people but absolutely hated supervising underperformers and lazy, entitled people. And from what I have seen, best case scenario is you have a mix of both, or maybe you have a great team for a while, but then someone leaves or there is a re-org.

The other, more positive reason is that, over the past couple of years in this job, I have become a content expert for the first time in a very long time, and I love it. I love really knowing what I’m talking about and being respected and known and in demand for my content expertise, as opposed to my ability to coordinate and facilitate and manage and organize. I’m a lot better at it, too.

And an added bonus is that I am much more in charge of my own destiny when I’m responsible for producing reports and presentations than when I’m responsible for other people. I’m extremely efficient, but I tend to work in fits and starts, following very productive periods with days of wasted time. Being an individual contributor suits this work style well. (Funnily enough, only one manager, years ago, has ever realized this about me. He told me, “You get more done between 3 and 6 in the afternoon than everyone else does all day.” And then he booked me at 100% each on two separate projects. Curses!)

This means that, at most, I can hope to be promoted one more level, to the level below executive, but not beyond that, and I would imagine the money cannot increase by much either. I am mostly okay with that. I earn a decent salary and I work strictly 9-5, with extremely limited travel (a few times/year, max). This is terrific in terms of raising the kids, of course (especially because A works similar hours), but I like to think I would make this same choice if I weren’t a mom, too. I don’t think having kids should be a prerequisite for wanting a life outside of work.

As comfortable as I ostensibly am with my choice, it was still a shock to come back to work and find that my colleague, who is on my level and was hired a month or two before I left, now has three direct reports. I have to keep reminding myself that this is what I wanted. I really have the best situation, since two of her direct reports, recent college grads, are available to me to support my work, but are not my responsibility. But it takes some getting used to!

I felt a little better after a discussion with my boss about my end of year review. Since I had just written my mid-year review before I went out on leave, I copied and pasted into my self-evaluation for the end of year review. My boss responded, asking me to toot my own horn a bit more. (The funny thing was that he was naming some things that I had done and I had no recollection of them and had to ask to be reminded! I can be an idiot.) Anyway, like many companies with formal review processes, our ratings are on a curve (only x% can receive the top scores) and the departmental managers get together to battle out which of their direct reports will fall into the top of the curve (and, therefore, the amount of their bonus). Apparently, while I was out, my manager fought for me, and I appear to have landed near the top. He said it was due largely to me that our group, which was new at the beginning of the year, not only survived, but thrived, and our mission is now the top priority of our senior executives. It’s funny, because some really strange/bad stuff happened having to do with my plans for leave of absence and the absolute LAST thing I expected was to get this level of support while I was out. I’m awfully grateful for it.