Galloping Cats

I’m okay December 16, 2009

Filed under: Me Me Me — gallopingcats @ 2:01 am

The weekend sucked. I felt pretty awful. I have an insane black eye. Purple, really, though turning green now. But I’m feeling better. Both my nose and my finger were simple, straight brakes with nothing knocked out of alignment and should heal within the next couple of weeks.

The number of people (at work, even) that suggested I sue was quite astonishing. I’m not interested in suing my employer. I just want them to install some lights, as it’s really dark. I wasn’t happy when the guy from facilities told me he was going to have to check the video (from the security cameras) to see what had happened (although I’d filed a report with security at the time). I told him, “Well I hope you have night vision on your camera!” They have now decided to take appropriate action re: the lights and there is LOTS of salt out there now.

A is getting his new car on Friday, a Jetta wagon, and is excited about it. I am, too, except for the part about the new expense. They’re giving us a good deal on the trade-in. Last night was craziness as A searched for the title. When he found it, he declared it the first good thing that’s happened all week!

BTW, just a random FYI: It is possible, nearly 4 months after giving birth and not nursing one single time, to still have a few drops of milk in one’s breasts. Insane.

 

What cosmic power did I piss off today? December 11, 2009

Filed under: Me Me Me — gallopingcats @ 9:00 pm

I began the day, simply enough, by getting puked on (pants and shirt) as I was about to walk out the door for work, leaving me to scramble for another option that fit well enough.

Later, I called to schedule Gatito’s surgery, and in the process learned that Gatito’s file had been marked to the effect of, “Anxious mother. Suggested she bring her husband next time.” Yeah. How fucking obnoxious can you get? Who *wouldn’t* be anxious upon learning their child required surgery?

Then the call came from the dealer where A’s car was in for service. Repairs would cost $4,000+, and the car already has 116,000 miles on it. So, car shopping it is this weekend. Because I had all this extra money sitting around and was just wondering what to spend it on.

Then, I was leaving work, and the front of the building is extremely poorly lit. I always worry I’m going to get hit by a car when I go out that way, since there’s no sidewalk there, either. Well, turns out that in addition to no lights, they didn’t bother to salt or sand either. So I fell and I broke the fall with… my nose. Yeah. Fractured my nose and the tip of my index finger, neither of which, apparently can anyone do anything. (And how fake does the story that I broke my NOSE falling on ice sound? I would totally suspect domestic abuse if I saw someone that looked like me.)

And then the kicker? Just to rub a little salt in the wound? When we got home, I got my period, which I wasn’t expecting, and it was messy.

I’m going to bed.

 

The traditional kindergarten panic December 10, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — gallopingcats @ 7:58 pm

In my town, there is one topic that comes up in almost any conversation between parents, and it is the state of the school system. For parents of kids approaching kindergarten, it’s pretty much the only topic of discussion.

My town, a city, really, is particularly diverse: racially, ethnically, socioeconomically. When I went to the public schools here, there were something like 80 languages spoken in the high school. Cool, right?

But it’s an urban school district, and brings with it all the problems that that entails. Even in my day, there were guns and gangs in the high school. About a quarter of the class didn’t graduate and only about half went to college. Yet, in addition to programs targeting those who needed extra help, enrichment programs for those who needed, well, enrichment, abounded, from elementary school on. It was possible to get a great, challenging education, and the top students went to great schools in the Ivy League and equivalent.

Since I graduated, eons ago, there’s been more “white flight.” For instance, the Jewish day school has doubled in size, leaving almost no Jews in the public schools. And the city seems to systematically do away with program after program that was targeted at advanced students. Enrichment programs in the elementary schools? Gone. Grouping and honors classes in middle school? Gone. Foreign languages? Except in one impossible-to-get-into magnet elementary, not until 7th grade. To complain about the lack of enrichment opportunities is to be called racist.

I went and toured our district elementary school and was encouraged in some ways and discouraged in more. I liked the Vice Principal, who showed me around and gave me an hour and a half of her time, and I felt good about what she is trying to do for the school. But I have been having great difficulty getting beyond the fact that, despite attending these schools herself and then spending her life as a teacher and administrator here, she sent her own kids to private school. There was some b.s. about her daughter having been ill as an infant and that she felt overprotective of her, so sent her to private, then felt she couldn’t send one to private and the others to public, blah blah blah. She is not the only teacher/administrator of the public schools that I know who has sent their own children or grandchildren elsewhere, so what does that say?

I don’t care much about the kids ending up at elite colleges, but I do care about them being challenged appropriately, learning how to learn, and enjoying the process of learning. I care about six hours of every day not being wasted. I can help them by sharing my culture and my values, by talking to them about books and world events, by paying for viola and karate and the like. But I can’t offer them challenges math and science and history in the two or three hours betweenwhen we get home and when they go to bed every night.

I love my city. I love the diversity and the amenities. I love being conveniently located near several employment centers and strategically located in an area with limited traffic, as well as and in onerous but not deadly commuting distance of NYC, should either of us ever need to work there again. I love my house, although a second bathroom would be nice.

The only option that is financially feasible for us would essentially double our commute, taking away about 45 minutes/day from time with the kids. Summer Fridays would be impossible. (At least for me. A gets short summer Fridays, damn him.) We’d give up any prospect of diversity. But we’d be getting a town that prides itself on its education and is spilling over with extra help for kids at both ends of the spectrum. To me, particularly after having seen how bad a bad school experience can be, even for one year, that opportunity is getting harder and harder to resist.

 

Work December 5, 2009

Filed under: Working Mom — gallopingcats @ 8:59 pm

Shortly before going out on maternity leave, I had my mid-year review. At that time, I told my manager that I had decided that I did not want to be a manager myself, but rather continue to be an individual contributor and take on projects of increasing complexity. There were several reasons for this.

One is that, having been a manager in the past, I’ve learned I don’t like it. I loved working with talented people but absolutely hated supervising underperformers and lazy, entitled people. And from what I have seen, best case scenario is you have a mix of both, or maybe you have a great team for a while, but then someone leaves or there is a re-org.

The other, more positive reason is that, over the past couple of years in this job, I have become a content expert for the first time in a very long time, and I love it. I love really knowing what I’m talking about and being respected and known and in demand for my content expertise, as opposed to my ability to coordinate and facilitate and manage and organize. I’m a lot better at it, too.

And an added bonus is that I am much more in charge of my own destiny when I’m responsible for producing reports and presentations than when I’m responsible for other people. I’m extremely efficient, but I tend to work in fits and starts, following very productive periods with days of wasted time. Being an individual contributor suits this work style well. (Funnily enough, only one manager, years ago, has ever realized this about me. He told me, “You get more done between 3 and 6 in the afternoon than everyone else does all day.” And then he booked me at 100% each on two separate projects. Curses!)

This means that, at most, I can hope to be promoted one more level, to the level below executive, but not beyond that, and I would imagine the money cannot increase by much either. I am mostly okay with that. I earn a decent salary and I work strictly 9-5, with extremely limited travel (a few times/year, max). This is terrific in terms of raising the kids, of course (especially because A works similar hours), but I like to think I would make this same choice if I weren’t a mom, too. I don’t think having kids should be a prerequisite for wanting a life outside of work.

As comfortable as I ostensibly am with my choice, it was still a shock to come back to work and find that my colleague, who is on my level and was hired a month or two before I left, now has three direct reports. I have to keep reminding myself that this is what I wanted. I really have the best situation, since two of her direct reports, recent college grads, are available to me to support my work, but are not my responsibility. But it takes some getting used to!

I felt a little better after a discussion with my boss about my end of year review. Since I had just written my mid-year review before I went out on leave, I copied and pasted into my self-evaluation for the end of year review. My boss responded, asking me to toot my own horn a bit more. (The funny thing was that he was naming some things that I had done and I had no recollection of them and had to ask to be reminded! I can be an idiot.) Anyway, like many companies with formal review processes, our ratings are on a curve (only x% can receive the top scores) and the departmental managers get together to battle out which of their direct reports will fall into the top of the curve (and, therefore, the amount of their bonus). Apparently, while I was out, my manager fought for me, and I appear to have landed near the top. He said it was due largely to me that our group, which was new at the beginning of the year, not only survived, but thrived, and our mission is now the top priority of our senior executives. It’s funny, because some really strange/bad stuff happened having to do with my plans for leave of absence and the absolute LAST thing I expected was to get this level of support while I was out. I’m awfully grateful for it.

 

Crap December 3, 2009

Filed under: Gatito — gallopingcats @ 4:59 pm

Gatito appears to have inherited my tendency for minor medical problems that still kind of suck.

He does, indeed, need surgery. And it’s not his tonsils. I can’t even talk or write about it because it’s too personal to him.

It is minor in the scheme of things, but it is still horrible, and I have been having nightmares since I found out on Tuesday.

And once again, I did not put enough into the damned FSA to cover it.

 

Back to Work November 19, 2009

Filed under: Gatito, Working Mom — gallopingcats @ 9:14 pm

I go back to work right after Thanksgiving and will be 3 days/week through the end of the year. In December alone, I have a surgical consult for Gatito (Aggghhhhh! I can’t bring myself to talk about that yet, but I’m sure I will before long), his karate test for his next belt, his school holiday party, and Ella’s four month well visit, all during regular work hours. How in the hell am I going to manage all that when I am working full time? I know that I’ve done it before and I can do it again, and that these things tend to come in clusters and that A can split them with me, but lordy it is daunting.

The other thing is that I’ve been wanting Gatito to start going to school full days (9-3) on the two days/week that he doesn’t have karate or viola in the afternoon. I just feel that at this point he’ll get more out of being in school than hanging out with Tata and also that Ella will benefit from having one-on-one attention for more than two hours on those days. And frankly, while the school is outrageously expensive, the difference in cost between full and half days is teensy. So last Monday, I planned for him to try it out. At first, on the advice of his teachers, I was only going to have him stay for lunch, but he said he wanted to stay all day. Then, the morning of, he panicked and did not want to stay at all. So I came back at the end of the morning session and decided to stay with him. (LOVE that the school had no issue with my staying in the classroom whatsoever. I was welcomed.) While Ella slept in a corner in her car seat, I sat with him through lunch, rest, and playground (when he ran off with his friends), then waited outside while he went for his last class (more academics). The result was that the full day was no longer scary for him and that, by this week, he was begging to stay every day. And I just feel like this relatively easy solution is something I wouldn’t have had a chance to do if I were working, and I wonder how many other things like that will come up over the years.

 

Baby Things November 18, 2009

Filed under: Ella — gallopingcats @ 9:00 am

Ella looks, to me, like nobody I know. There are those blue blue eyes and the light hair that, in the sunlight, has a touch of strawberry in it. A and I are brown-eyed brunettes. And she’s got the biggest, cutest cheeks you ever did see, but because of that, a lack of definition in her face makes it hard for me to see if she looks like any of us.  But that doesn’t stop other people from declaring her the exact replica of whomever. Two people have recently said she looks just like my father, and as handsome as he is, no one wants to hear that their baby girl looks like their 69-year-old father! Plus, I’ve seen how his appearance translates into a woman (his sister) and it is not good. Sometimes people say she looks like me, and if you can believe this, yesterday someone said we had the same cheeks. Now, those enormous cheeks are adorable on a baby, but if my cheeks really look like hers than I have a lot more than five pounds left to lose! My god.

I know how important it is to talk to your baby, but I remember from Gatito and again with Ella that I just don’t feel like chit chat chattering to her all day long. I feel like babies and their parents should enjoy some peace and quiet sometimes, you know? Do I have to name every body part every time I give her a bath, or can I just hum a little or do it in silence sometimes. Gatito was late-ish to learn to talk (3 words at 15 months) but took off from there, in two languages, and has been ahead ever since, so I don’t worry too much about it.

It’s weird having a sociable baby. Ella is sweet and smiley. She’s pleased to see friendly strangers and makes store clerks fall all over themselves for the opportunity to make funny faces at her. She goos and gaas and smiles right back at them. She’s incredibly straight-forward and only cries when she’s hungry, tired, or just wants to be held– there is almost never a mystery as to why she is unhappy. She is a delight!

And I’m sorry, you can go ahead and hate me all you want (and I would totally understand if you did), but she slept straight through twelve hours last night and I am ridiculously happy about it.

 

Happy blogoversary to me! November 16, 2009

Filed under: Me Me Me — gallopingcats @ 6:00 am

It’s been five whole years since this thing began, and this is the first year I’ve remembered to mark the anniversary!

It started in such a bad place, just after my first miscarriage, when I was in the thick of panic that I would never be able to have children. Amazing how things turned out. I sure feel lucky.

So many of my bloggy friends who were there in the beginning have moved on, but a special shout-out to those who have been with me from the beginning and who are still writing (or at least whose blogs remain extant, ahem): Day, the woman formerly known as BrooklynGirl, Twirl, Jo, Mandy, Alyssa, and Sara. Thanks to old friends and to those who’ve joined along the way for coming along for the ride, and for the steady stream of support over the years. I couldn’t have made it without you.

And if you are looking for the perfect blogoversary gift, leave a comment and tell me why you read. I’m not fishing for compliments, but rather looking for feedback as, like many of my bloggy friends, I am sometimes struggling to figure out what to say lately. If you have questions or topics you’d be interested in having me address, please leave those, too!

 

Crafty readers? November 15, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — gallopingcats @ 8:54 am

I have been Googling for weeks for, basically, the equivalent of a Bundle Me, except, you know, safe. That is, doesn’t have any fabric behind the baby. This would be perfect, except for the fact that it can zip over the baby’s face. WTF? And even though I wouldn’t have to zip it up, I wouldn’t want to worry that someone else might do that. And there is this, but I feel like if Ella turns her face, she’ll be buried under it (confirmed by an Amazon review). I want it to work like a blanket, not like a tent. Julia posted her link and it’s exactly what I want, but the seller seems to be unprepared for the volume of interest. You would think I could just continue to use a plain fleece blanket, but I’m a little obsessed now.

So I throw it out to you guys: Does anyone want to make and sell me a cozy fleece blanket that attaches to the car seat but does not go behind the baby and cannot be zipped over Ella’s face? (Or does anyone know where I can buy such a thing?) Leave a comment or send me an email at gallopingcatsATgmailDOTcom. Thanks!

 

Do You Zillow? November 14, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — gallopingcats @ 4:49 pm

You know, Zillow, the site that estimates home values and, intriguingly, shows the last sale price?

I know it’s not perfectly accurate, but it can give you a general idea. For instance, I’ve tracked the increase and subsequent decrease in the value of our home to its present value, less than we paid in 2003. Fun times!

When Gatito’s school directory finally arrived, I confess I was curious about the homes his classmates live in. A told me I was being cheesy but I couldn’t help it. I already knew that one child arrives in a Bentley, and that my sister (whose son attended) had described the unimaginable wealth and laughed her ass off at me when I asked if she thought there was a used uniform exchange. (BTW, there is. I could’ve bought used sweaters for five bucks but I didn’t know till I’d already bought new ones.) And I know home prices aren’t exactly indicative of wealth– people spend money in different ways and many bought much more house than they could really afford– but again, it can give a general idea.

Unfortunately I don’t know the name of the kid who arrives in a Bentley (and is in a younger class), so I couldn’t look that one up. But I looked at everyone in Gatito’s class and found that house values (and prices paid) mostly ranged from right around the price of our home to about twice as much. I was surprised. I mean, we were definitely at the bottom of the range (and for many people this is on only one salary), and twice as much is a lot more, but it’s not ten times more. (There were, of course, a smattering of very expensive homes, but these were by far the minority.)

I don’t know if it’s wrong to do what I did, and I don’t know how I would have felt if the information had been different, but I feel a whole lot better. I feel like I don’t have to be embarrassed to have people over to our house or worry that they might think it is a shack.

And actually, while I’m on the point of perceptions not matching reality: I walked into that school expecting exactly nothing in terms of relationships with the other parents and I have ended up being pleasantly surprised by the friendliness. A couple of women have been very cold (incidentally, the ones with the fanciest houses), but by and large, most of the parents I’ve met have been warm and open.

***

We attended the birthday party of the boy whose parents requested only used items to donate to charity in lieu of gifts today. I didn’t bring something used, but I did bring a re-wrap– a baby gift basket that included a onesie, booties, wash cloths, a blanket, etc. I figured a family in crisis with a newborn might be very happy to receive such a thing. It was really hard for me not to bring anything even small for the birthday boy, like a single matchbox car. Instead, I had Gatito draw him a picture.

I noticed at least one other person giving a new toy. It was unwrapped, so I assume the intended it for donation and I realized that there was another angle, which is that in asking people to give gently used toys, they’re asking other parents to take something away from their child on terms that someone else set up. And when that new gift arrived, I watched  the birthday boy sort of chase his mother to the closet, nose in the bag, while she reminded him that people were bringing things to donate. I’m sure he doesn’t want for anything, but still, I couldn’t help feeling a little badly for him.