Am feeling stressed out today for reasons relating to the immune testing, which I shall not bring up again, lest someone else find me and feel the need to pass along more advice that conflicts with my decision to go forward with the assumption that Dr. ILIE was correct, thereby sending me into another tailspin.
I hadn’t heard from she who got pregnant with twins on the first try in a while and, me being me, started to worry. Alas, all is fine. I cannot help but be sad at the loss of a chance for us to go through what should be such a fun happy time together. I saw her two days before I found out it was dead and we had a grand old time happily chattering away about stretch marks and the like. Now she’s lonely (I imagine) and I’m miserable.
Also feeling miserable about the two week wait. Cannot even think about testing till next Friday, though Saturday is more like it, based on the timing from the last time. Add to that the misery of knowing that it’s not really a two week wait even if it’s positive. I’ll worry till 10-12 weeks about a miscarriage from "normal" causes and then the whole freakin way about an immune problem that may or may not exist.* Basically I’m scared that I am pregnant and scared that I’m not.
And yes, throw in a dash of guilt. After spending too much time reading other people’s blogs I feel I have no right to hope to get pregnant on the first try, without assistance, and carry to term after having only one miscarriage.
*Please no comments/email on conducting more tests on my immune system. I cannot take it anymore. I’m serious. Soothing comments that tell me I’m doing the right thing and you would do the same in my situation strongly encouraged. -The Management
Edited to say: Writing this was not at all cathartic, just drove me into the bathroom in tears.
You ARE doing the right thing. FOR YOU. And that’s all that matters. Even when you’ve done the research it can be really hard coming to a decision when the outcomes are all so uncertain and the information you have to go on is incomplete and/or inconclusive. I totally understand. I think a lot of us struggle with that.
I’m sure you know, somewhere, that there is no “only one” miscarriage. At least, I hope so. I’m sorry for your loss and wish you the best for your future.
-Jamie (and the Big Kitty)
I’m sorry you’re feeling stressed and miserable. Please don’t feel guilty. I know it’s hard not to compare your situation to other’s, but pain is pain. And I echo the previous poster’s comment: What’s important is doing what’s right for you. No one else can tell you what that is any better than you can tell yourself.
The sucky thing is that you just don’t know. No one knows what your outcome will be and so for now you have to run with the best decision you can make for yourself right now. Your situation has not progressed to the state that would warrant further testing. Recurrent miscarriages would warrant further testing. You do not have the diagnosis of recurrent miscarriage so your decision is a sound decision.
You will know in your heart of hearts when it is time for further testing. And more than likely it won’t even end up being something you have to consider.
I’m sitting down beside the toilet holding your right now. Whatever you need…..
I can’t remember which infertility blogger coined the term “pain olympics,” but I think it’s a great concept. We should not be comparing one pain to another. So you have not had multiple miscarriages or waited years to get pregnant–so what. You want to be pregnant, and you lost your baby recently. That’s enough in my book–you can join the club. (Hope you aren’t here for long though.)