I hate when people tell me to put things into perspective. Intellectually, I know that my situation could be so much worse, that I am really a lucky person. I have a loving marriage, we’re both healthy, we have good relationships with our families and all of them are also mostly healthy. We have a nice house and jobs that pay the bills. And so, intellectually, when bad things happen to other people, I am reminded how lucky I am. But emotionally, I usually feel exactly the same about my petty problems. I wrote about this a little bit after the earthquake in South Asia. Lately though, I’ve been thinking about a couple of things that have managed to knock some real gratitude into me for everything I have.
** If you don’t feel like hearing a couple of extremely sad stories today, now would be the time to stop reading. **
I have a family friend who is coming up on 97. She and my
grandmother were best friends from childhood, and A and I became
friends with her when we lived in her neighborhood in Brooklyn. I have only heard
this story from my mother, so the details are fuzzy. When she was a
young woman, she had some kind of surgery and while they were in there,
they removed her uterus. She didn’t know they were going to do
this, and it’s unclear whether or not this was really necessary. But
wait. The best part is that they didn’t tell her! I do not know
how many years went by, how long she tried to have a child, how she
finally found out that her uterus had been removed and she would never
have children. But I think about it sometimes, more often lately, and I
wonder if she still thinks about it, all these years later, at 97. I’ll
bet she does.
The other thing is more recent. My sister called yesterday with news
that her friend’s child, a friend of my nephew’s, died last Friday. He
was five. He’d been sick all week with strep throat and they’d been
back to the doctor that morning. That night they rushed him to first
the local hopsital, which is pretty good, and from there to a bigger
hospital the city, and then he died. From strep throat. After being at
the doctor that very morning. I can’t stop thinking about this woman
that I don’t even know. I remember back to how it felt to wake up every
morning just after I lost a 9 week old fetus and I know that to lose a
child, someone with a personality, someone you’ve known and loved for
five years, and to something as impossible as strep throat, must be 10
million bazillion times worse. I just don’t know how she will go on
with her life.
So yeah, that’s why I couldn’t get upset that I got my period yesterday.
My friend’s daughter was killed when riding her bike 2 1/2 yrs ago. A taxi hit her. I drive by her house everyday and I think about how much she’s lost as well as how much we’ve lost as a neighborhood.I wish the kids in his class had their desks in the missing man formation to honour her.
My son spent so much time at her house that it was his second home. Now the doors are shut and we don’t go over anymore. I think about this loss every day. That’s what gives me perspective – the memory of D falling to the ground in grief for hours after the news came.
Gah. I am stunned by both. So, so, so sad, and yes, it certainly does put absolutely everything into perspective, doesn’t it? Gosh.
However, sorry your period did show up and I hope all is ok.
Best wishes
I am saddened and humbled by those tragedies. I cannot imagine learning that your choice to have children was decided for you by someone who didn’t even bother to mention it. That is horrifying.
And I cannot even fathom how your sister’s friend must feel.
Like I said in my first post ever, you can’t compare sorrows. It is so sad, your two stories you read. It is so sad what is happening for those of us in this “community” and it is even more sad to think there are others. I think you have a very good point about your feelings . . . I am sad your period came, but I understand. It could be so much worse.
I just stumbled upon your site and read your “About Me” section. I’ve also had a number of miscarriages, was told I have an autoimmune disorder, was told that hubby’s sperm is incapable of procreating, and accepted the fact that we would not be able to have a biological child. Now we’re told I do NOT have an auto-immune disorder and hubby’s sperm are NOT incapable of procreating.
Isn’t TTC grand??