Admit one
February 2, 2008I’m totally crazy: I’m not completely convinced I had a miscarriage. I haven’t been thinking this all week– just for the past few hours. The bleeding slowed to spotting and stopped today. Don’t get me wrong– it was a lot of blood for a pregnant person, but somewhat less than a normal period overall and not as much as I would have expected for a miscarriage. And it is conceivable (no pun intended) not to see a sac on a five week ultrasound, according to Dr. Google, especially on the low tech, mobile machine my doctor was using.
This evening in the shower, I became aware that my breasts were fuller. I came up with the logic that since I had never seen a convincingly dark line on my HPTs in the first place, if I’d really just miscarried, an HPT should be negative, or at least extremely faint or, you know, fainter than what I’d seen last week or, failing that, at least not darker.
I know. You’ve all warned me about the limitations of these tests. I already admitted I am insane. But I had one test left, just taunting me in the medicine cabinet. I had just peed right before my shower and only managed to squeeze out, seriously, two drops. I thought I’d wasted the test. But then, even before the control line showed, a bright test line appeared.
I actually had the second of my betas this morning. It wasn’t ordered STAT and I don’t know what happens at the labs on the weekends, so I don’t know whether results will be in Monday or Tuesday, but at least by Tuesday I figure I will have some quantitative proof that I belong in the fucking loony bin, and I will move on. I just need to figure out exactly how to frame my question to the OB nurse so that she doesn’t realize the crazy miscarriage girl thinks she might still be pregnant.
Well, you do hear all sorts of crazy stories about stuff like that. Just to add my own: in both my pregnancies I had incidences of bright red bleeding (#1 around 6 weeks, #2 around 5 weeks) that turned out to be nothing. #2 I was even on progesterone. So there you go.
It will be nice to get it settled!
The not knowing can drive you crazy. Or, in my case, crazier! I hope you get an answer soon.
Oh, wow. What was your first beta?
I hate the uncertainty. Sounds like one of two things. Either the HCG hasn’t made it out of your system yet, or you’re still pregnant. See what the next beta says and if it’s higher, maybe they can give you another ultrasound.
(((hugs)))
Not to further invite that bitch Hope into the house, but in my second pregnancy I had what for all the world seemed like a mini-period before I managed to even figure out I was pregnant. So ???? Who knows. Waiting with you…
I had a very similar experience back in the day (http://brooklyngirl.typepad.com/brooklyngirl/2004/07/an_unforeseen_c.html), and though it didn’t end well, hope springs eternal.
Did you get the number from your first beta?
What was your first beta number? And how many DPO are you?
I don’t think you’re crazy to think that at all. Definitely call the office tomorrow morning. If the beta wasn’t ordered stat they can call the lab to ask them to rush. Are you still doing the progesterone supplements?
Thinking of you!
i’m certifiable according to my husband, so you’re in good company. as for the hpt - i don’t know what to tell you. i had a fairly impressive episode of bleeding with #3 when i was about 6 wks. i was convinced i was miscarrying, but i was wrong and it all turned out fine. i hope that all goes well for you.
wow! i’ll go ahead and hope you are *that girl* and you get good news from the lab. (and sooner rather than later!)
You’re not crazy. I’d be chomping at the bit for those beta numbers.