As it turns out, the flood of second pregnancy announcements is starting to get to me, particularly the ones with the September due dates. I am back to the place where I resent people who never had a lick of trouble. It is like they are on one side of this giant invisible fence and I am on another. During the ectopic saga, one friend, who is pregnant with her second, actually asked me why they could not simply move the embryo from the tube to the uterus. Ach. That some people can get through pregnancy while maintaining such ignorance, maintaining this sense that problems with reproduction are for other people, is really galling at the moment.
If I could just know that I will not be able to have another child, I think I would be okay with that now. Gatito is healthy and smart and gorgeous and amazing, and we could have a really nice life just the three of us. He’s an easy-going, relatively low maintenance (for a two-year-old) child and life is pretty simple and happy right now. We could be– no, we are– a fabulously happy family of three. The problem is that once I launch back into trying to conceive next month, I know I will lose this perspective to the desperate, emotional desire for another baby. If I just stopped right now, I could save myself a lot of potential angst and just continue to focus on enjoying the family I have now.
In freakout mode again today, as I considered the timing implications, I realized that I’m so set on trying in May that my stomach got all knotted when I realized that, depending on what the ultrasound says, I may not even be able to try until June. And that’s assuming that my ovaries neatly alternate ovulating which, who knows? I’m considering going in for an ultrasound next week instead. If I’m actually ovulating on the opposite side from last time, I don’t see why I’d need to wait for a second period. (I would ask the doctor’s opinion, of course.) I don’t know if I’m mentally ready, but perhaps that, too, is for the best.
It’s the not knowing the outcome part that makes it tough for me, too. Why do you think I’ve procrastinated so long
It is so hard just getting to the point where you say “Yeah, we’ll give it a try for another one.” And then to have to go through what you did, I’m geniunely sorry. All of this waiting is enough to drive someone crazy!
I’m sorry. I’ve sort of kept my distance on purpose.
I’m sorry–that’s really hard.
Back when I was going through a similar thing, there was an episode of some “Amazing Birth” show or another in which it seems an ectopic pregnancy was surgically removed from wherever it had implanted and was successfully transferred to the uterus. I never saw the show (so I don’t know if that’s an accurate description), but I can’t tell you the number of people who had seen it and wondered why I hadn’t pursued this possibility. I was very nearly homicidal with rage.
This damn this is so hard. I’m still annoyed with people who say to me “have you been harvested?” I’m not a tomato plant!
I hope hope hope that you don’t have to wait too long to know if number two will work out for you.
I’ve been resenting the secondary pregnancies for a very long time. After long enough the first ones started to hurt as well. I am thinking that if I don’t get to working on a sibling for my Chicken soon I am going to burst. That’s putting it mildly, of course.
Some people IRL assume now that I’ve had Birdie I’m “cured” and #2 will be no problem. It’s obnoxious and irritating how ignorant people can be.