I would be nearly full term right about now if that embryo had implanted in the right place last January. It’s not something that I dwell on or that I find particularly upsetting. Not that exact embryo, not that exact timing, anyway.
I’m really glad to have had the chance to establish myself in my new job, to gain the respect of my managers and my colleagues. I’m happy to have had the opportunity to focus as I learn the ropes without the distraction of a pregnancy. Perhaps if that pregnancy had continued, people would have looked at me differently, with disapproval. Perhaps pregnancy brain would have prevented me from learning as quickly as I did. I’m doing well, I feel secure, and I’m not sure if that would have been the case in the alternate universe.
After my first miscarriage, I was out of my first trimester by the time the original due date came along. It’s weird this time to be no closer to achieving any pregnancy at all, never mind being concerned about ectopics and miscarriages. I don’t specifically mourn what might have been, but I am sometimes struck by how differently things might have looked.
Ugh. As I read this, I am feeling more personal dread for April 1, 2009. Indeed: What could have been.
These dates are always so crappy to have to observe. Here’s hoping this time next year you will be too busy with a newborn to even remember the date!